A Bit Stanstedy

I am going to see the Shaolin Monks doing their thing this evening. Quite looking forward to it although am hoping it is quite wacky. I was going to mention a chi related event from a week or so ago; at the risk of my friends finally giving up on me, here goes.

I was enduring that crazy torture that is travelling via Ryan Air from Stansted in the name of saving a few quid, it is test of your humility as well as strength. The way that they add extra charges, constantly change the weight limits for hand and hold luggage (and charge a fortune of you exceed them) and even get you to take off your jacket at security and so on is “not nice” (as my grandma would have said). But the tricky thing the other week was that, as they have reduced the hold baggage weight limit and increased the cabin limit, and don’t provide airside trolleys, there was a lot to carry. I was, (of the four of us travelling), the male of burden carrying age, add the fact that several of our bags didn’t have wheels and I found myself making my way to gate “50” with a rucksack and hammock on my back and a suitcase in each hand. We were also running a bit late. After a few minutes I felt like one of those blokes from world’s strongest man trying to walk quickly whilst carrying a log with a handle on it in each hand.

Two thirds of the way to the gate, it is hurting and I’m considering that the best thing to do would be to stop for a while, I’ve started to sweat and my arms are going to give up any second.

In my time I have experienced some things that I would not have guessed possible as a result of Tai Chi or meditation but not really over which I felt I had a great deal of control. My mind goes to some of those eccentrics whom I have witnessed on the Mind Body & Kick Ass Moves programme who can move their chi to wherever it is required in order that they can disable an opponent with a poke in the ribs or balance on their throat on the sharp end of a spear.

So as I wobble past the shop that sells cheese, whiskey and teddy bears I decide to give it a go. I tell myself to soften my muscles and breathe more smoothly. I can feel the chi accumulating in my belly and then for want of a better expression I start to pump it up my spine, over the top of my head and from the roof of my mouth down my front (round my microcosmic orbit). Quite quickly I can feel the build up of energy; I am breathing easily now. I start to divert the flow to include my arms and I focus on my sore muscles.

Well, what can I say, it worked. I duly arrived at the gate at the end of the universe, relaxed and without pain. I was amazed myself.

By the way, if you want to try it for yourself, I would recommend Barefoot Doctor’s Return of the Urban Warrior. I have read a number of books on microcosmic orbit stuff but this one is far less arcane than most. Then again you could fly from Heathrow.