Caption Sensible?

A couple of monks outside their temple in Xian.

View from my phone

Tales from a past life (I)

I worked for a big American Company, I was based in the centre of London in a small office. Amongst others, there was a big fat bloke (who we said had a ball park figure), there was a guy whose middle name was Belgrove, so he became known as Belnob. There was a bloke who always found excuses to hang out in the head office in Wallington instead of doing any proper work, he was called Wallnob and there was a man whose surname was Wheeler; Wheelnob. Sometimes a bloke from head office would visit (later he would sack me) called Taylor, a friend of mine referred to him as Jenny, Jenny Taylor. You get the drift. Most days we would all go out and have a big lunch in one of a number of restaurants, our boss would decide which customer we had entertained and sign it off as an expense.

One day I walked into the (open plan) office and sat down as a phone call arrived for me. I wasn't happy with the person on the other end of the line and gave them a bit of a hard time, so much so that the rest of the office went quiet. When I replaced the receiver someone asked me if I was alright. I replied that I wasn't because only several minutes before, crossing Clerkenwell road, I had been run over. This illicited quite a big laugh; less so when I showed them my ripped trousers and cut hands; certain people were still chuckling though.

In order to keep happy, we would go wet biking in the docklands or go-karting. I had a customer in Milton Keynes. Periodically I would drive up there to try to convince them of the merits of doing more business with Big American Company. Afterwards I would visit the James Hunt Racing Centre, an outdoor circuit with larger than usual karts. I would still be in my suit as I sped round the track. I enjoyed a particulary big spin on one occasion, throwing dirt up in a big plume. I sat in cloud of dust for a few seconds before emerging to carry on. Back in the office I was talking to a group of people when I dropped my pen on to the floor, bending over to retrieve it, a small pile of gravel fell out of my shirt pocket.

Wallnob tried to punch me once in the kitchen but I moved out of his way. George and I blew the cylinder head gasquet on Belnob's Cavalier whilst reversing quite fast in a big carpark.

Next time, trips taken whilst working for Big American Company.

Selected Top TV Characters

Bender....................Futurama
Woody.....................Cheers
Hong Kong Fuey............Hong Kong Fuey
Moira Stewart.............Breakfast with Frost
Dr Cox....................Scrubs
Sam.......................Cheers
Barry Grant...............Brookside
Dougal....................Magic Roundabout
Gordon Honeycombe.........News at Ten
Tony Soprano..............The Sopranos
Zap Brannigan.............Futurama