Tales from a past life (I)
I worked for a big American Company, I was based in the centre of London in a small office. Amongst others, there was a big fat bloke (who we said had a ball park figure), there was a guy whose middle name was Belgrove, so he became known as Belnob. There was a bloke who always found excuses to hang out in the head office in Wallington instead of doing any proper work, he was called Wallnob and there was a man whose surname was Wheeler; Wheelnob. Sometimes a bloke from head office would visit (later he would sack me) called Taylor, a friend of mine referred to him as Jenny, Jenny Taylor. You get the drift. Most days we would all go out and have a big lunch in one of a number of restaurants, our boss would decide which customer we had entertained and sign it off as an expense.
One day I walked into the (open plan) office and sat down as a phone call arrived for me. I wasn't happy with the person on the other end of the line and gave them a bit of a hard time, so much so that the rest of the office went quiet. When I replaced the receiver someone asked me if I was alright. I replied that I wasn't because only several minutes before, crossing Clerkenwell road, I had been run over. This illicited quite a big laugh; less so when I showed them my ripped trousers and cut hands; certain people were still chuckling though.
In order to keep happy, we would go wet biking in the docklands or go-karting. I had a customer in Milton Keynes. Periodically I would drive up there to try to convince them of the merits of doing more business with Big American Company. Afterwards I would visit the James Hunt Racing Centre, an outdoor circuit with larger than usual karts. I would still be in my suit as I sped round the track. I enjoyed a particulary big spin on one occasion, throwing dirt up in a big plume. I sat in cloud of dust for a few seconds before emerging to carry on. Back in the office I was talking to a group of people when I dropped my pen on to the floor, bending over to retrieve it, a small pile of gravel fell out of my shirt pocket.
Wallnob tried to punch me once in the kitchen but I moved out of his way. George and I blew the cylinder head gasquet on Belnob's Cavalier whilst reversing quite fast in a big carpark.
Next time, trips taken whilst working for Big American Company.
9 comments:
That must feel like a whole different world to you now I would guess. I pressume you must have been quite a bit heavier in those days with all those big lunches. I am looking forward to reading part II.
Am laughing out loud. Hope that isn't an inappropriate response?
Did you actually get run over?
Actually I reckon I was a shadow of my current self, Dom. I think I would have been 25 and it didn't seem to matter what I ate in those days.
That's quite alright Mr Anonymous.
Thank you for asking Al; strictly speaking I was knocked down (by a motor bike), rather than having my bones crushed by a car or lorry, it was more of a glancing blow although it happened in the middle of the road. The traffic on my side was stationary so I walked between a car and a van and then being wary of the danger poked my head out from behind the van to check if all was clear. At this point the bike hit me as it was overtaking the traffic on my side. I remember being quite worried about actually being run over at that point as the oncoming traffic carried on, driving round me, as I lay on the ground. The biker did stop and was quite apologetic although it wasn't entirely his fault. One of the girls in the office who could be a bit of a tough old boot, made me a cup of sweet tea.
I remember being 25 - I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted then too.
I have never been run over yet, but i once run someone over. They ran out in front of me and I slammed my brakes on, but still hit them. He fell on the floor so I got out of the car to check if he was alright, but he got straight back up and ran off at top speed without a word. I was totally shaken up by the whole thing.
It happened near the prince of wales roundabout.
Yes Dom. When I was 25 I could do it too!
Could all you people really do that?
I mean, if I had asked you to eat, say, a couch, you could have?
Man, I never experimented enough, and nobody tells you these things till it's too late.
Yup, could eat just about anything. Never been very good at eating my words though.
I've been known to eat humble pie on occassion.
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